im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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