my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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