So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
