bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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