4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
