Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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