ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
