I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
