My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
