I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
