Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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