I faked an abortion last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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