I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
