So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the condom got lost in my hair
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
