Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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