Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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