She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
