Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
