smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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