I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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