i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
