i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
