It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
