Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
