I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...