if i can run in heels then i can drive
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen