I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins