kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist