How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
