Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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