Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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