the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
