I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
