The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
