I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
