Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she pinky promised me she was 18
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
