That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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