She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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