I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
