I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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