she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
