Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
