If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
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not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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