im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
