Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
