How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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