Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Found the puke drawer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
