so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she looked like the before picture.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
