and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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