It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Damn victory sex feels great
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
