I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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