my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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