please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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