@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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