friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
