jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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