So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
