He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
