So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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