Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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