Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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