She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
