I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
