oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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