omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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