He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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